"The 7 Do's & Dont's of a Re-Lay-Boo (Relationship)"

What's Goodie America Greetings & Salutations.....
It feels good to be Young, Black & Single!!!!!! Yes I said it SINGLE... Now if you are reading this chances are you have read my last Blog post entitled "Hold On I Got A Story To Tell" and you're wondering WTF happend to the post well I'll tell you...... Sometimes for me I get like David Banner "You Won't Like Me When I'm Angry..lol" and I tend to get on my Incredible Hulk shit. But at the end of the day I'm not a cold hearted person.. I'm mean I can really get my point across but it's no reason to keep beating a dead horse. So I decided in good consicence to take it down, an use my powers for good * Master Yoda Voice The Force is strong with this one Luke* to bring positive insight and creative thinking to the forefront and not stay on *The Darkside*.

"Now that I got the mushy & political correct shit out of the way....
*Horn Sound* Let's Go In!!!!!!!!"

Now that the weather is getting nice and people are
shedding their winter "blues" for summertime "Swag" I started thinking about the various relationships that I have & still encounter to this day, and suddenly the ill-est concept came over me!!!!! I need to make a manual or a set of rules to help out my
fellow player's & diva's navigate and make their way through this enigma that we call relationships!!! I sat down rolled up a Dub (20 sack for you non-smokers) of some sour diesel, and poured me a glass of some"Henessey Privelage" and commenced to putting the pen to paper. I wanted to come up with a set of rules that will help you in the words of the late great Notorious B.I.G "Get Your Game on Track, Not your Wig
Pushed Back!!!" and put youon the path of enlightenment & pure bliss in your new Re-Lay-Boo-Ship!!! aka (Relationship)

So off we go let the trumpets blow, and hold cuz the driver of the mission is a pro.. The Ruler's Back.. lol

If you wanna play this game then you need to follow these rules and hopefully you Too can get have you a Re-Lay-Boo-Ship!Now yo ucan't say I aint never did nothin for you!!! Enjoy

Negotiate The Terms and Conditions of Your Agreement. Before any type of activities commences one is often asked to read and initial an agreement. The purpose of such an instrument is to spell out the terms and conditions of your business dealings. Since this is smart business sense for the early stages of any relationship, why not also in the realm of the Re-Lay-Boo-Ship? Exactly what are the boundaries? What's expected from either party? How does a party end this relationship? Is there a stipulation for early termination? Is there a buy out option? Is this a no fault agreement? Is there a long-term clause in the event the either party has a change in status? What should be done if either party catches feelings? Is changing phone numbers abruptly punishable by a brick through your windshield or is it okay if one side decides to disappear without warning? If you two see each other in public is a head nod sufficient or should I just act like I don't know you? The details MUST be discussed, hacked out and negotiated until both parties can feel like they are part of a win/win situation. After all, this is a Re-Lay-Boo-Ship, not a real relationship. One that may lead up to marriage and kids where anything and everything can happen because 'we're in love'.

Please Keep it Clean-I watch my potential Boo's close. I need to find out what she does and with who. When was the last time she took her car in for a tune up (check up)? How many ex's does she have compared to ex-jumps offs? She may have had three ex's and 24 ex'Boos. Crunch them numbers. The numbers tell a story. I can't sleep with a person that sleeps with everybody else and I dam sure won't choose that person to be my Boo? Why? Because you MUST keep it clean in a Re-Lay-Boo-Ship. I can't sleep with you and you're sleeping with Rah, Bam, Hakim and Danny. If you're a female you should not want to sleep with no dude that has had two or more chicks pregnant at the same time or where you have witnessed three or more females fight over him in the middle of the street. That's what you call PDC (Potentially Diseased Coochie/Cock). I don't want any of that. If you do, then I don't want you either. How am I supposed to explain the fire shooting out my d*& when I use the bathroom to MY GIRL. Besides, if you don't care enough about yourself to keep your sexual health in check why in the world would I trust you to protect mine?

Know Your Team-In order to have a successful Re-Lay-Boo-Ship; all players must know their position. You can't get mad at a third runner up when s/he fails to accommodate you on a Saturday night, when his/her normal shift is on Tuesdays during your lunch hour. If your Girl/Boy or First runner up causes a change in schedule then the third runner up should be prepared to shift his/her priorities, as so should you. After all, as the third tier worker, s/he is only on Per-Diem until an opening becomes available or s/he gets tired of waiting around. The positions should be initially discussed during the negotiation phase, which is also the opportune time to write in any language about changing priorities or Boo-status. You should know whom all the other team members are from Mom Dukes, to Cousin Toya, to how many children I have. You should know when to call if you want to reach me. You should know important birthdays; vacations and holidays are the days that you have off.


Keep Your Dog on A Tight Leash-Having a Re-Lay-Boo-Ship is not for the simple wo/man, no. One of the worse situations is a person attempting to have a Re-Lay-Boo-Ship with a sidepiece that doesn't stay in his/her lane. You are the side piece-that means STAY ON THE SIDE. Don't get out of pocket because you're mad and call my Main Chick to spill the beans. Don't make any plans for a future that we haven't discussed. Don't get caught up thinking there will be bills, babies and co-habituating.
Your Buddy Can't be a Victim-I don't care how fine she is, or how big your bleeding heart is, or how good he makes love to you or how much you were taught to 'give a black man a chance'. A Boo can't be a victim and a victim can't be a Boo. See, a Re-Lay-Boo-Ship is about a win/win mutually beneficial relationship simply because there is space and opportunity to have it. There is a business demand that requires the hiring of a temp employee, per say. Victims, either mentally or do to their situation have nothing else popping but what you present to them when you feel like a little something extra and call on them. Once you start to give them a little, you run the risk of them seeing you as A) their come up or B) they fall in love because they 'don't have anyone else' but you around. Either way it’s too much effort and expectations to risk if your with a main Chick/Dude and this is your Boo. Remember, the most dangerous person in a situation is one with nothing to loose.

Your Boo Can't be a Fan Club Member-We all have people that we know find us attractive but there is just something about them that makes you stay away. There is a reason for that. Something about you is so excited to get near me that you make me think that you know that YOU aren't on my level. Either literally or in your mind, you are entirely too excited with the prospect of getting next to me. That spells stalker, psycho and potential Felon. You know that person that’s been trying to get with you since Jr. High School? Yeah, them. No, not them. A Boo cannot and should not be a person that has been collecting pictures of you out the town newspaper since way back. He/she can't be the one who is nice to you no matter how nasty you treat them. S/he cannot be the one who just gives you that 'crazy' vibe. The 'crazy vibe' is your instinct warning you that this stray may have rabies and will one day need to be put down. Don't make it be you.

No Tricky Shit-There is a certain type of love making that one reserves for Valentine's day, near death experiences or I’m gonna throw this on him/her, cuz I know s/he is thinking about leaving me cuz I been fuckin up' type sex. The kind where you walk into the room with all intentions that somebody’s going to get hurt tonight, them or me. Somebody is about to get CBreezied tonight to some old Usher music. You walk in with a can of Mello Yello, two magic markers, some Saran Wrap, a rubber band, GI Joe action figure and a flashlight. It's about to be on and popping. The beauty of old lovers is that you know what how & what it do's. You know how to pop da pop off, but often don't do it all in the same night. I mean, shit, we all got jobs and need our sleep, right? Never, under any circumstances pull the tricks off with the Boo. You can't run the risk of doing some shyt to that person that will have them tweaking like Smokey on Friday. You might pull some shyt off on them that has them look at you with the googlie eyes. You won't know you went to far until your Boo is outside your job screaming to security to 'bring her husband' down to talk to her. Or you might even pull some shit that has them so freaked out that they start to avoid your azz. Either way, keep the Great Adventure trips at home. Caveat: This does not apply if you DO NOT pull tricks at home because your significant other is not into the acrobatic shit. Some people ain't. Fuck it. But if that the case then your Boo is the person you use when you have the urge to introduce animals, plant life and endangered species into your lovemaking.

And to that I say, "More Power to you", please send pictures.
Until we meet again!!!
Young M. Clayton

The Black Man Instructions!!!!!!!!

If I had the time to sit and talk to these young kats there’s a few things I would school ‘em on.
Real talk. Our up and coming black boys have no idea of what it is to be a man. Its so much lack going on a nigga will get clowned for doing the right thing. On the flip side you got dudes making records about how glorious it is to do nothing much with the life you've been blessed with.

Since when did this get fly?

A Boy Needs a Man in his life to teach him how to be a man. If your Pops isn’t here; if he don't care; if he don't know; or if he can't help you...Don't Worry.
I GOT YOU.

I hereby present you with

The Black Man Instructions:

Be a Proud Father
Now I don't know when it became cool to not take care of your kids but these young dudes need a father. If I hear one more dude complain about his kids or say that 'his father didn’t raise him and he turned out just fine' I am go in his mouth. You come up without a father and seen your mother struggling or not struggling. Your quick to announce how you had it hard. You’re fucked up because you didn’t have your Pops around but yet you turn around and leave your kid to fend for themselves? And that’s cool? No Nigga! It's not cool. Not only should you take care of your kids. You should have the utmost pride in the fact that you are raising and being an INFLUENCE on your child's life. You have the ability to mold your child into bigger and better than you ever were. That’s some shyt to be proud of. That's some Man shit right there. Whether you with the female or not. That’s a piece of you. And while you’re at it.
Stop Having Random Children
Congratulations. You’re fuckin. Now why don't you act like a big boy and carry some condoms with you when you’re going to smash. Wet pussy is some of the best shit on Earth! That’s my word. But you don't slide up in any female that lets you slide in her raw. ARE YOU BUGGED? Do you think you’re the first one to go in like that? You really think you’re the only one who had been up in her skin to skin? Word? Is that what she said? Oh. You don't care? Do you care about the diseases? HIV, maybe? Do you care about the 9 months you might spend waiting to hear that you got another 18+ years to deal with her when she has your child? Do you care about the fact that the bitch is crazy and is going to make your life a miserable hell whether you’re the father or not? My dude, all good things come to those who wait. Find you a nice chick, wife her up on some legit shit. Keep your dick close to home if you want to smash a sidepiece. Wear a condom or two. Fuck it. Consider being faithful even. But what ever you do...stop making random babies. I am tired of looking at them at when I come ova your baby momma’s house to smash.

No Bitch Pants aka Mandex!!!!!
I am not even sure how to approach this one. I mean, we all had on gear at one time or another that looked whack as hell when you look back on it. But this isn't even about bad fashion choices. This is about MAN-ness or the lack thereof. How do I put this nicely? How do I make myself clear?
SKINNY JEANS ON STRAIGHT MEN IS WRONG. EXTRA SAGGY SKINNY JEANS IS JUST GAY.
I wonder if these young kats even realize that the saggy jeans shyt is something started in prison. If that seems cool to you then do you also realize that the prison culture is also a very homosexual culture? Ah, yeah! What’s even more interesting is that this particular style encourages all these stick skinny so-called straight men to walk around with denim pantyhose on. That’s a violation of the Man Code. It just is. Since when is it fly for a man to walk around exposing his azz? I'll tell you when. It's always been the thing to do in the gay clubs. Sagging jeans under you azz makes for easy access in them dark corners of the clubs. If you 'bump' into someone you fancy you can bump into them right on the dance floor. I’m not knocking homosexuals. Do you. At least these dudes have a reason to go outside like that. They are sending a message. That’s there way of flaunting their offerings. If your a straight dude that wants to fight when some dude makes a pass at you then what’s your excuse? Straight dudes have no business walking around showing off their azz. I see dudes in the streets that wouldn't be able to throw their hands up or run from danger if they had to. Dude would bust his azz tripping over them tight azz denim pantyhose. The excuse to wear extra baggy jeans used to be that your Long had to have some space. I guess this means you young kats don't need as much room in your pants as us grown men do. I don't know. I rock my pants with a belt, like a grown azz man should. Like my father did before me. "Pull up your pants, son", I guess you never heard those words before? Straighten your clothes. Be neat and look presentable in public. Have some pride about you. I wonder what you would say if I told you that the baggy jeans were also directly related to the Black Man being considered a 'boy' in society. Who else would walk around outside, un-kept and sloppy but a child that doesn't know any better? Bitch pants aren’t cool. Stop putting your azz on display. You never know whose checking for you. Having your drawers on display daily is making some queen somewhere very, very happy. No Homo..or are you?

Get Your Grown Man On
The bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things." Some of you dudes aren’t putting away your childish ways. Why do some young kats fear growing up? You live with your Mom's but complain about her rules and the lack of privacy. You can't understand why your shorty can't shake up with you. You want to go out to the clubs but you don't wanna go unless you can rock your hood attire. Fuck is wrong with you? Now that you are grown why don't you want to get out that hood scene? Meet some classy women, relax and not have to worry about whose pulling out heat in the club tonight. Seriously, did you really just wait all them years to finally be of age but you refuse to do the grown folks shyt that makes you a grown man? Word. You refuse to put on a suit, get a decent haircut or speak proper English and you are confused as to why you have a college degree but can't find a job. These same dudes complain about 'The Man' is holding them down. True. The man Is holding you down-BUT THAT MAN IS YOU! Take pride in how you look. Don't you know perception is everything? You ain't impressing nobody but some other helpless nig with the tags on your clothes. You could be using the money you spend on irrelevant gear to do so much more. Who are you impressing by telling the next man that you have $6k worth of kicks in your closet but no money for your child's day care expenses. You ain't got no place to lay your head but you got grillz that you refuse to take out your mouth. "Keeping it hood" is actually keeping it self defeating and ignorant. In order to change the game you must first be invited to play. All the education and good intentions in the world won't help you if you don't know how to package and market yourself. Don't blame that piece of paper on your failure at success. Blame your skinny, saggy jeans and Ice grill. If you refuse to change because you are 'repping your hood', Congrats. I respect a man with determination. Good luck with that while I am crisp in my *******